SILLY ME TO ALIVE IN CHRIST
I was 28 years old and the mother of two toddlers before I came alive in Christ. Up until that time I thought that I knew God and I loved my Catholic faith. But when I encountered a group of born-again Christians it became so apparent that I did not have what they had. This birthed a desire in me to be able to worship God from the heart as they did. Only then did I realize that my ‘duty’ driven relationship with a church was not what God had intended when he gave us His only begotten son. Then beautifully God made me alive and I became like most new born babes in Christ; I was passionate to know and to please Jesus with all my heart; I became a worshipper in spirit.
This first thing that God did for me was to take me out of ignorance with my husband. Funny how silly women, of which I was the silliest, will totally ignore reality and live in a fantasy about men just so that we can experience the fairytales of our dreams. I grew up as a spoiled child and had never known real suffering, so when I got married, I presumed that my life would be like a great epic romantic love story with the ever so important ‘happily ever after’ ending.
Coming alive in Christ causes us to wake up and see with new eyes. God not only pulled back the veil of lies that I told myself and showed me the state of my marriage, but He also gave me the grace to see my husband as a soul who was still captive to Satan. That amazing grace gave me the power to really love him for the first time while knowing what had been revealed, and that great grace worked in me to make me more than a wife; God’s grace forged me into being made an intercessor and an ambassador in my own home.
DIFFICULT CHALLENGES DEMAND MORE UNDERSTANDING
After a few years, the challenges in my marriage became more difficult and nuanced as another two children were added. The pressure of my desire to learn and grow in my faith and involvement with my local church brought new levels of opposition from an extremely controlling husband. He was passionately opposed to my new lifestyle of church for three hours on a Sunday, small group on Wednesdays and a new set of friends. Sadly, and worst of all he did not like me taking the children to church and wanted me to return to my former lifestyle of attending Catholic Mass for one hour on Sundays a couple times per month.
I cried out in prayer for an example in the scriptures to give me peace and direction. I had only been depending on Ephesians 5:24 and 1 Peter 3:1-3 for my instruction. Ephesians told me to be submissive in ALL things and 1 Peter told me that I was to be subject to my husband even if he did not obey the word. I was a bit confused as a young Christian, because how could I not go to church? I was desperate to navigate my circumstances with love, respect and wisdom.
THEN I MET ABIGAIL
Then I met Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. She was the beautiful and discerning wife of Nabal, who was a rich, harsh and rude man. Abigail had discernment, which is a powerful and Godly attribute. Abigail stands out to me especially remarkable because she existed in a time when women were viewed and treated so low in the old covenant. The entire story in 1 Samuel 25 is loaded with many lessons, but my focus was on Abigail.
Samuel the prophet has just died and David, whom he had anointed as King of Israel, was not yet appointed. David was hiding out with his men from King Saul who wanted to kill him. This anointed man David, treated Nabal kindly and sends to him for food for his men when Nabal was celebrating with a feast. David’s messengers bring a humble message of peace to Nabal along with a request for food. But Nabal was rude and disrespectful and refused David’s request. This angered David who instructed his men to “strap on their swords” and kill every male in Nabal’s household. A servant informed Abigail about what had transpired between Nabal and David’s messengers, and correctly advises Abigail that “harm is determined” against their household.
ABIGAIL MADE HASTE
I found it so inspiring that Abigail’s response was quick, it says that she “made haste” (v 18); she never paused to fast and pray or to run around seeking advice. Abigail also did not consult her husband; she knew that he would not listen to reason. So, she sprang into action to prevent the destruction that was headed to her home. How different this story could have been if she had delayed to consider her options and seek wisdom.
Abigail was mature and confident in what needed to be done. She is an example for us, we also need to be built up in our faith and relationship with God before the emergency, so that we are not scrambling around trying to figure out what to do. Abigail was prepared with wisdom and her first priority was to do the righteous thing, to love her husband.
BRAVE AND LOVING
Many women would have probably sought to save their own lives and flee the danger, but not our brave and wise Abigail. She ran to the danger not away from it, she chose to help, she showed real love for her husband and household. Abigail knew that her husband had done what was evil in God’s sight; he had disrespected God’s anointed man and refused hospitality to those who did him kindness. She rushed toward an angry and armed band of soldiers to stop them before harm would reach her home. She could not have known how David would have treated her as she hurried to meet him. Abigail was brave.
No greater love has any man than that he lay down his life for another (John 15:13). Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). It is real love that makes anybody run into a burning building to save someone, and real love promotes great acts of bravery. As believers, we also are filled with the love of God and are commanded to love each other with that love. Our first place of learning is in our homes, and sincere love will always require sacrifice. “For God so loved the world that he sent his only son to die” (John 3:16). Abigail’s rush toward the armed soldiers was generated from love.
This act of Abigail going against her husband’s desires did not look at face value like what I had learned of wifely submission. But it none the less was a wife doing good to her husband. Submission is an attitude of the heart, and Godly submission is always unto to God first. A Godly wife should submit to her husband because of her love for God, not because of her love for her husband. This love for God will anchor us so that we are not tossed and distracted by the inconsistency of our husband’s actions. Our focus and love can be stabilized by our love for a perfect God who is able to keep us in the midst of chaos.
ABIGAIL THE HUMBLE INTERCESSOR
“When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down, from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. She fell at his feet” (v 23 -24a)
God is giving us a picture of real humility, not only did Abigail rush to go low, but she fell on her face in the dust at the feet of David, the armed man who had purposed to destroy her household. Abigail got as low as she could go and God gave her favor and wisdom (Prov 3:34, 11:2). God gave her what she needed to handle the delicate matter.
Abigail did not use her powers of seduction by relying on her physical charms, even though she was a beautiful woman, but she got as low as she could at David’s feet; she made herself so vulnerable before him and called him ‘lord’ and herself his servant. Abigail was a rich woman with household servants of her own, but she did not count it robbery to humble herself in the dust at David’s feet. She never hesitated to ignore her social status, but got low in heart and in physical position, this humility gave David a mirror to see how high his pride had risen due to his anger.
“On me alone, my lord, be the guilt” (v 24). Abigail did not ask for David to forgive Nabal, but she took his sin on herself and literally stood in the gap between David’s sword and her husband. She did not distance herself from her husband’s foolishness, but identified with it and carried it as her own sin. This is real intercession. It is similar to when Jesus took our sin on himself. Jesus was our intercessor on the cross, he bore our sins, he became our sins and he knew no sin of himself, Jesus stood in the gap between God’s wrath and us.
Abigail acknowledged the foolishness of her husband and identified with it; she did not try to spin it in order to lessen its evil. She took the guilt on herself and requested that David would hear her words. Bravery and loving humility were displayed by Abigail.
ABIGAIL THE CONFRONTER
What happens next is also quite remarkable as it is the longest recorded speech of any woman in the bible. God had spoken to David in the past through the Prophet Samuel and will eventually will speak to him through the Prophet Nathan, but here we see a wise and Godly woman confronting David with his sin and prophesying to him about his future. Her words brought about a change of mind in David. God has declared that David was a man after His own heart, not perfect in behavior but David’s quest was to know God’s ways (Psalm 25:4), so he was quick to repent.
David recognized Godly wisdom in all that Abigail said, and declared that she was sent by God to him (v32). Here is a mighty man of war, fully armed with soldiers and swords intent on avenging a wrong, and it is a woman that God uses to turn his heart back to his God. David not only blessed God for what He accomplished through Abigail, but David also blessed Abigail for her discretion; the wisdom she used in dealing with him with such respect and honor; not laying any offense before him that may have caused him to act with any additional evil.
David appreciated how she handled the matter. Many times, we may see what is evil in another person, but how we approach them only causes more sin, we make it hard for them to repent because we deal from a self-righteous high horse. The scripture tells us to go to the offender in meekness lest we too ourselves sin (2 Tim 2:25, Gal 6:1 kjv). Abigail went in such a meek spirit to David that she was able to deliver powerful words that would both save and encourage.
Abigail confronts David about the evil in avenging himself. Vengeance is to be left to God, and David knew this, he agreed with the truth of his ‘blood-guiltiness’. Taking the matter in his own hands, meant to deal with the foolishness of Nabal his own way without considering God. We also should try to never react out of our emotions, but as directed by God’s word. “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). David was reacting out of his anger and not his knowledge of God. It is a wise saying that we should try to never make decisions in the heat of emotions, they are usually regretted.
ABIGAIL SHOWS HOSPITALITY AND KINDNESS
Abigail did not go empty handed to David to beg for mercy for her household, but she also brought what David had requested and she gave it to David for his men before she asked for forgiveness. God prefers obedience to sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). It would have been incomplete if Abigail had only made a verbal request for forgiveness. The real power and substance of her repentance was obedience. She knew that it was God honoring to show hospitality and generosity to travelers, especially those who had done her husband good by protecting his sheep and men in the fields from their enemies. Abigail’s act of true repentance and humility caused her to find favor with David. She gave to David the things that were expected from Nabal.
ABIGAIL PROPHESIES
Abigail’s spiritual location was never lessened by her husband’s lack of spirituality. His foolishness was an opportunity for her to be used by God. She prophesies to David about how God would not allow those who pursued him to succeed and that God would make a great house for him. This was a true prophetic word, as King Saul would not succeed in killing David and Jesus was of his house.
“And when the Lord has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel, my lord shall have no cause of grief or pangs of conscience” (v 30-31b.) Abigail is assuring him that what the prophet Samuel had told him would come to pass. I have heard it suggested that David may have been depressed or discouraged because the prophet who anointed him to be king, had now died and he was still not appointed. But Abigail assured him that all the good that was spoken WILL happen. Such assurance and persuasion could only have come from the Spirit of God that was upon Abigail.
ABIGAIL USED BY GOD TO DELIVER DAVID
Abigail’s encouragement to David caused him to be transformed in his spirit; he went from an angry, maybe depressed sinner to a repented man whose first words after Abigail spoke was a praise to God. David said, “Blessed be the Lord, God of Israel” (v32). Abigail’s prophesying brought change to his heart. She wisely said that it would not have been good for him to do the wrong and then in the future be bothered by regret. David was grateful for her confrontation and he displayed humility by his teachable heart.
David never questioned that it was a woman being used by God. I pray that we too will have ears to hear when God confronts or encourages us using whomever He chooses at the time. It is just like God to use the least person that we know to bring about the greatest deliverances in our lives. Abigail was not allowed in the Temple where the men were allowed, but here God allowed her to work in David’s heart and be mightily used to bring him to repentance.
ABIGAIL’S HAPPILY EVER AFTER
David received all that Abigail brought him and he sent her off peacefully having obeyed her voice and granted her petition. Back at her home she found Nabal drunk and in the midst of a great feast, so she waited for him to be sober the next morning before she told him what had happened. Nabal seems to have had a stroke upon hearing the news, it says he fell back like a stone, he did not utter not a word. Then ten days later it says that God took his life(v 38). David gave thanks at the news of Nabal’s death saying that God had avenged his insult and kept him from the doing wrong. Then David sent for Abigail to be his wife. Again, Abigail hurried, she went to David and became his wife. Abigail became the wife of the anointed King of Israel, such a magnificent ending to the story of Abigail.
Abigail is one of my favorite people in the scriptures, she helped me to see and understand more about submission to an unsaved husband and she helped me to know how to pray and ask God for discernment and the courage to love when it is dangerous or difficult. Abigail encouraged me to trust God as He taught me each step of my walk with Him; day to day being led by His Spirit and His Word.
NO DISADVANTAGE TO THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST
Over 25 years have passed since I met Abigail as an example of a woman who was not disadvantaged by an unbelieving husband. I continue to grow in my understanding of 1 Samuel 25, and I expect to continue to be nourished by the passage till I see Jesus face to face.
I am still married till today and my children are grown; however, God saw it fit to have my husband eventually choose to live separately from me. Continually new situations to navigate with a husband that chooses not to divorce and, me, who knows God hates divorce. But I am at peace, safely looking to my King Jesus, with whom I have been enjoying growing in more understanding of God’s wonderful love, knowing that I have a lively hope of eternity with Him.
It had pleased God to afflict my marriage so that I could come to know my identity as the bride of Christ. I am learning each day the secret of being content in whatsoever state I am in, whether married or single, or single in marriage, it really does not matter. By grace we are “more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). We that are in Christ are not merely just conquerors, but more than. John Piper suggests that for us to be more than conquerors means that our circumstances, whether negative or nice will serve us.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
Even difficult marriages will work for our good and God’s glory, praise be to the Lord.
